She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
