i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize