Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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