how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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