awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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