Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
