I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
