we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
