my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
