When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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