dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
