whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
