420 ftw
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
