My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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