White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
