it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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