This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
