Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
