I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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