Your mouth is God's brothel.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
