I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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