I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
