Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Damn victory sex feels great
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