any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
