Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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