A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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