I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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