easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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