The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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