I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
