If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
