We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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