erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
where are my eyebrows?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
