I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
