I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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