his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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