i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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