I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
