Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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