Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
