i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So much rum. So many feels.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
