never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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