i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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