4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
