Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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