Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
