that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
