She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
