ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
