something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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