i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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