she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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