a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
