I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
