Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i will never coherently bang her
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
