her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
