great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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