I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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