I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
