And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
