reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
