I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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