Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
