In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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