Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize