She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
