i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Everyone says I win the strip club
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
