actually, I'm a sock model
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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