Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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