ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."