My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?