i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.