I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.