Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  OMG. What did u say?

  (817): View more from Texas

  I told her I did too.

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  (817): She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs. (1-817): OMG. What did u say? (817): I told her I did too. http://tfl.nu/dz5w
  Replies (11) Good night (1282) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  You mean inside out.

  (302): View more from Delaware

  No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.

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  (302): I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down. (1-302): You mean inside out. (302): No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist. http://tfl.nu/eio3
  Replies (20) Good night (7667) Bad night (1051)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign

  (562): View more from California

  You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo

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  (650): We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign (562): You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo http://tfl.nu/9pp5
  Replies (68) Good night (5743) Bad night (1038)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am

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  (201): She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am http://tfl.nu/vk3v
  Replies (20) Good night (4140) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?

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  (509): I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have? http://tfl.nu/03l6
  Replies (23) Good night (3192) Bad night (1648)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"

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  (778): we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza" http://tfl.nu/yszc
  Replies (11) Good night (3928) Bad night (591)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?

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  (740): So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes? http://tfl.nu/wyhr
  Replies (11) Good night (1638) Bad night (4105)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.

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  (724): It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me. http://tfl.nu/9spl
  Replies (7) Good night (3851) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  he got a rim job in the basement.

  (716): View more from New York

  apparently i was the one who gave it to him.

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  (716): he got a rim job in the basement. (716): apparently i was the one who gave it to him. http://tfl.nu/gzx7
  Replies (10) Good night (1120) Bad night (4532)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.

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  (562): That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation. http://tfl.nu/22zx
  Replies (5) Good night (339) Bad night (866)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.

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  (570): Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it. http://tfl.nu/3oup
  Replies (6) Good night (676) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN

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  (574): LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN http://tfl.nu/j386
  Replies (1) Good night (596) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.

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  (425): Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with. http://tfl.nu/lpz8
  Replies (4) Good night (787) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup

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  (404): I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup http://tfl.nu/0bbz
  Replies (3) Good night (438) Bad night (200)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!

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  (760): Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes! http://tfl.nu/whwq
  Replies (1) Good night (671) Bad night (129)

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