I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now