Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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