dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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