Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize