I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
