so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
third nipple confirmed
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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