my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
