i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it's great music for shaving your balls
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
