my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
