first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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